On Being Grateful

Today I am feeling like I am angry at the whole universe.  Like I want to scream and curse and throw things.  So in honor of this, I am going to write about the things that I was grateful for today (confused? Welcome to my world right now! Where emotions makes no sense, and the road always leads somewhere unexpected.)

I am grateful for: Bill waking up with Liam (once again) so that I could have time to lie in bed for a little longer.  It takes me awhile to adjust to my new reality every morning now, so time alone is so welcome.

I am grateful for: Dropping Liam off for a playdate with his best friend Adeline.  He has been wanting to see her lately...he asked if she was driving with us to preschool both days this week...so I was so happy that he finally got some good play time in.

I am grateful for: A friend that loves my son like her own, and even though it is hard for me to be around her right now (her son Henry is due one month after Oliver was due...we had had so much fun being pregnant at the same time), she gets it, and is still there for whatever I need.

I am grateful for: The crummy weather today (freezing rain).  It allowed my little family to hunker down all afternoon and to just enjoy one another (and some extra nap time!).

I am grateful for: A job to do that requires manual labor.  We had just bought paint to freshen up Oliver's room prior to his death, so we have decided to just go ahead and paint the room anyways.  It feels nice to just "do" something productive with all of these thoughts running through my head.

I am grateful for: Time off from work! Oh how I would not be able to function there right now.

I am grateful for: Listening to my husband and my son playing together.  Liam was laughing so hard he must have had tears in his eyes! I love hearing them together.

I am grateful for: My son Liam and my husband Bill.  They are the best things in my life, and the reason that I am still moving forward right now.  It is so tempting to stay in bed all day and just cry, but my Liam is like a force of nature.  He sweeps me up in his path and makes me smile.

I am grateful for: The small amount of time that I had with Oliver.  I wouldn't change those months/weeks/hours for the world.

I am grateful for: My extended family.  I can feel how much everyone cares for me, and how much they are all praying for my small family, and though I don't have sufficient words to express myself, I am so grateful to each and every one of them.

I am grateful for: My faith.  I know that my God can take whatever I throw at him, and boy have I been testing that this month.  I know that Oliver is safe in His arms and that brings me peace.

So, although my heart is broken, there are SO many things that I am thankful for! I am going to keep reminding myself about these things over and over again.