Let the Cloth Diapering Begin!!!

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

I read this quote today on a blog, and it has just resonated over and over again in my mind. I haven't been able to sleep lately...I just lay there in bed for hours and hours, thinking and thinking and thinking about big important things and little teeny things and everything else in between. I feel like I am at a crossroads of sorts in my life right now. Liam is now 15 months old and is surprising me with how much he learns every single day. But he is definetly getting more independent and is needing me a little less each day. Bill is now settled into his new career that he worked so hard to enter and now it is just hard work and waiting for a promotion to Corporal.

And then there is me......

I love being a stay at home mom, don't get me wrong, but I studied my, sorry, ass off for 4 years to get a university degree, and I really want to put it to use doing something constructive. I have this yearning to help people, and to be in a career that allows me to do that. And I am almost there. But I feel sort of stuck in my roles right now. Maybe that's normal? I guess I am just finding it hard to resign myself to "just" being a stay at home mom. Which is totally unfair, because there really is no "just" about it. It is one of the hardest jobs that I have ever had (and my most favorite!!), and I have complete respect for those women out there who are totally comfortable in that role. But as much as I love spending every moment with my son, I feel like I need more to be fulfilled. And right now, my little family could sure use any extra income that I could provide. The problem I face right now: I live in Petawawa!!! There are no jobs here for me, and there are no schools close by (except for in Ottawa which is 2 hours away..a bit of a commute) and so, if I want a job, I will most likely find myself working for one of the, what, 4 stores in the town. That means spending hours away from my son to work at Shoppers Drug Mart or Kelseys. And I just don't know if I am okay with that. But I don't know if our finances are okay without that. I mean, we are doing fine, but I really want to be able to get Liam those little extras that make life fun!! :) So, do I suck it up and take one for the team? Or do I hold off, enjoy my moments with Liam and say buy bye to those extra perks? It's something I will have to work out in the days to come.

I read all these blogs online, and I love all of these strong, confident, capable women that I am meeting, and I know that I want to be more like them. I need to find my niche in the world. Something that makes me happy for being Amanda. Not Amanda the mom, or Amanda the wife, or Amanda the daughter/sister....just Amanda. Sometimes we take on so many roles, that I think we forget who we really are. And by the time we realize that, it's hard to remember who we really were in the first place. Gah....lol....deep thoughts for a Thursday night!! But it's been on my mind lately. Maybe it's because my 28th birthday is approaching this Saturday and I am feeling reflectice. Yey...blaming it on that!! :)

In other news, Liam is amazing! Could I really get through a whole post without mentioning that? lol. He has walking down pat now, and has moved on to the climbing everything in sight phase. He also now knows exactly what he does and does not want, and he does not hesitate to share his thoughts (expressed through lots and lots of pointing, whining and "uh, uh, uh"s.).

Liam loves giving kisses and hugs to everyone lately...including his sock monkey :)

Our night time routine has evolved into this heavenly, relaxing thing which I am in love with! We give him his bath (Bill and I take turns), get him all ready for bed, brush those little teeth of his (which now number...hmmm...I think 12) and then one of us sits in his rocker with him while he drinks a warm bottle. Then, while he's still awake but drowsy, we give him a little kiss, say "I love you" and put him in his crib. And that is that. Honestly! It sure beats the hours we used to spend rocking him until he fell asleep. Ahhhhhhh....what to do with the extra hour?

As much as Bill and I work at getting Liam to say his first word, he doesn't seem to be ready quite yet. I mean, he does say Mommy, Daddy, Nana and again, but that is about it. This week we have been working on learning the word "car". Not sure exactly why we picked that word...lol...but Liam loves cars so I suppose it's all good. He tries his darndest to say it...he gets the sylabbles rights...but he can't quite get it. I know he will when he's ready, but I SO can't wait to hear his little voice talking away :)

Ooohh...almost forgot! We got the best package in the mail today: our first set of 12 cloth diapers!! We are definetly starting this cloth diapering experiment late in the game, but I am super excited to try it out. I tried one on Liam today just to make sure that they fit, and his little bum looked SOOOOOO darn cute! I'm sure he was wondering why Mommy was making such a fuss about his diaper. lol. I am hoping that we can adjust to the new diapers pretty fast. If so, we will definetly invest in some more fun, funky colors. Can't wait to try them!!!!! We just have to get the new ones washed (a bunch of times) and ready for use, so hopefully we can start our adventure by tomorrow or the next day.

Our stash!!


Liam is excited about his new diapers too :) (well..and bubbles)

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!